Thanksgiving 2013 - We survived

We survived our first holiday without Dad and Bev.  No food was burned and we didn't have any trips to the ER.   

All those "Today I'm Thankful For" posts make me want to vomit ...

This week has been horribly sad.  I'm trying my best to put on a happy face, but it's just too hard this week.  The holidays are always hard, but this year we're missing two huge pieces of our family.  We expected them to be here with us, to share this day.   They are gone.  The finality of that seems to really have hit home this week.

Over the last few years, the one thing that's really helped me pull through our anniversary and the loss of the twins has been the amazing cards my grandma sent.  They were beautiful handwritten cards that mostly just expressed that we know you're hurting, we feel that pain with you, and those baby boys will always be remembered.  Until you've lost a child, you really don't quite get how much it means to simply have someone say, Hey, that person that's not here anymore, I remember, and I acknowledge their place in your world and your heart, and I'm sorry you're hurting today.  That simple acknowledgement means more than anything in weeks like this.  And I know this week, as our anniversary comes, that that card won't be coming in the mail.  That breaks my heart.

This year seems to have been filled with more loss than I've experienced in the rest of my life combined.  In January I had to make the decision to sell my beloved horse.  He was my world outside of my children, but I simply didn't have the time to justify such a huge expense.  So I had to let him go.  Once I seemed to have finally come to terms with that, we had to put our dog to sleep.  It was time, but it still hurt.  Then losing my dad in July and my grandma just a few weeks ago are both things I certainly never imagined could have happen this year.  And now, our family home, in a few short weeks will belong to someone else.   I've truly felt suffocating by the feeling of sadness this week.  

I've quit apologizing to people if my reality makes them uncomfortable.  My life is crazy and messy and sad right now.  Is it difficult?  No.  It's just what I have.   Thankfully I've been blessed with two amazing friends who have held my hand and carried me through every single awful minute of the last year.  For that, I'm truly thankful.  I could not have made it through this year in one piece without their love and support.  

I'm lucky I have a husband who loves me and two beautiful little boys that make me smile every single day, even when they proclaim I'm out of their family.  

And tonight, I'm VERY thankful, that one of my best friends is home in her own bed instead of stuck in a hospital!   I'm also thankful that her MRI really wasn't lost after all!

Best wishes to everyone this Thanksgiving.  

Zoo Trip

Henry asked if we could go to the zoo this weekend.  After checking the weather, I decided it was better to head over for a quick trip after work.  There is no better time than off season afternoons to be at the zoo.  It's practically empty, so you don't have to worry about crowds or waiting in line.  We did get swarmed by bats in the jungle, which was a hilarious experience I hope to never relive!!

Henry insisted we go into Kingdoms of the Night and then refused to hold my hand.  I hate it down there.  He said I would be okay by myself in the spooky places.  

Ask and you shall receive ...

Well, I did say I was waiting for a rainbow.  Pandora never lets me down :)

Manic Monday

Just another boring Monday night at home. 

Leaves Are Falling

We went to Ames for the weekend to help pack up some things at the house.  We don't have any leaves at home, so we took a few minutes to take advantage of the plethora of leaves at grandma's house before they got bagged up.

I found this photo of myself when I was little and took the opportunity to recreate the photo with Henry.  We **might** be related.

We will definitely miss playing in grandma's garden.  

Rainbows

A few weeks ago I was driving home.  The weather was just really weird that day.  I stopped and took a few pictures on the way home.  Once I got home, there was a really intense rainbow ... directly over my house.  I wish I had run inside to grab the good camera but my phone did an okay job. 

The last four months seem to have been one giant storm.   I'm patiently waiting for my rainbow to appear.

The Garden

My grandma was a master gardener.   Her flowers and plants were truly amazing.  I feel very blessed to have many of them growing in my backyard.  I will definitely think of her in the spring when they bloom.    Below are just a few pictures of her garden over the years.