Another Goodbye

Who we are and ultimately become is shaped by the people in our lives and those we encounter along the way.  My grandmother left us on Wednesday. She had a profound impact on my life in the last few years. I will miss her smile, her gardening advice, the thoughtful cards she mailed me, our afternoon talks during "Jeopardy time" and her perfect deviled eggs.

Beverly Jean DeBoer was born on January 9, 1930, in Oakland, IA; to Earl and Irene (Lehman) Chambers and passed away on November 6, 2013, in Seward, NE; at the age of 83 years, 9 months and 28 days. Beverly grew up in Oakland, IA; she attended school there until the family moved to Hastings, NE; where she graduated from high school in 1947. Beverly attended Mary Lanning Nursing College for two years.

On June 25, 1949, she married George DeBoer in Sterling, IL. The couple lived in several states because of George’s job; they include Texas, Minnesota, Illinois, Iowa and Nebraska. They settled in Omaha in 1979. Beverly was a homemaker and mother to her husband and children. Beverly was a master gardener; she took such joy in working with her flowers. She often would transplant her flowers and plants to her neighbors and families homes. George and Beverly were also blessed with amazing neighbors who would often help each other out whether it be mowing yards or parking cars in others driveways when a family was out of town. Beverly was a member of P.E.O. Chapter FI-IK in Omaha and also St. Paul Lutheran Church in Millard, NE.

Beverly is survived by her husband George DeBoer, brother Dave Chambers, children Steve DeBoer and wife Mary, Kathi Stoops, Rick DeBoer and wife Julie and Scott DeBoer and wife Jennifer; 14 grandchildren, Amy and husband Chris Anderson, Melissa DeBoer and friend Robb Sherwin, Sarah DeBoer, Ben and wife Jessica DeBoer, Chris and wife Laura DeBoer, James DeBoer and Ashley Yowell, Kristen and husband Tyson Schlenker, Will and wife Carlie Fellers, Allison and husband David Wise, Timothy Stoops, Danielle and husband Brad Burnett, Casey DeBoer, Emily DeBoer, and Charlie DeBoer, 10 great-grandchildren; Levi DeBoer, Henry Wise, Sam Wise, Josephine Schlenker, Adelaide Schlenker, Lincoln Burnett, Oliver Fellers, Cooper DeBoer, Rachel DeBoer and Sam DeBoer.

Reality Break

It's amazing what a day with your best friends can do for the soul.  Good day. I am truly blessed to have such amazing friends in my life.  

Where the Heart Is

A few years ago, my parents got rid of their landline.  I cried.  It seemed stupid at the time.  That phone number was the first number we ever had and the only number we ever had.  515-232-4613.  It was the number I called to reach home, my loved ones.

Monday my mom accepted an offer on our house.  If I thought letting go of the landline was tough, this seems impossible.  I have called that house "home" more than half of my life.   Now suddenly someone else will be living there.  They will cook in our kitchen that my dad put counters into.  They'll wipe spills off the backsplash he tiled.  They'll sit in the living room he painted at least 10 times because my mom didn't like the color or wanted something new.  They will look out the windows he put in.  They will relax in the shower he installed a few years back and get ready in front of the mirror he hung.  I hope they will sit on the porch and enjoy the brick patio he spent countless weeks perfecting, and I hope they watch the flowers grow that he helped plant.  

That house, those walls, each brick ... it seems that's all we have left of him to hold onto.  He shaped it and perfected it with those hands.   And then I remember that's not the only thing he shaped and molded and took care of all those years.  We have each other.  And I guess for now, that has to be enough.

Another door closes. 

Say what?!

Henry:  You are not the boss!  Daddy is the boss.  You are the wife!  

Wow.  Bedtime is going super swell tonight.

Losing Love

Grief and loss are funny things.   I have heard many times from different people in the last few months, "Nobody really understands."  "Nobody gets what I am going through."  And to some extent, that's very true.  Every relationship is different.  Everyone has a unique set of experiences, bonds, regrets, and memories with their loved ones.  But at the same time, there are so many things we share when we lose a loved one.

When we lose a child, we lose our future.  It's horrible because it's often something we never contemplate occurring in the first place.  You aren't supposed to have to bury your baby.  The first decisions you make are supposed to be what outfit they are going to wear home from the hospital, not whether you'd prefer that they be buried or cremated.  You dream of picking out flowers for your child's wedding, not whether roses or lilies would be better for their funeral.  When we lose a child, we lose our hopes and dreams, the aspirations we had for them.  We lose all the things we imagined them doing and being.   Sometimes we lose the feeling of being a mother or father. We lose friends who can't deal with our new reality.   

When we lose a grandparent, we lose the past, an important part of our history.  They have watched us grow, shaped our childhood. They have knowledge and wisdom and experiences in the world which disappears with them.   They raised our parents.  They see us in a different light than the rest of the world does.

When we lose a parent, we lose the past and the future at the same time  We lose memories.  We lose a huge part of ourselves.  We lose our support system, those who know us better than we know ourselves.   Often when we lose a parent, our children lose a grandparent.  We lose the plans we had for our own children.   We lose experiences we wish they could have had together and memories we wanted them to make and share with those around them.

I cannot say for myself the pain we experience when we lose our husband or wife.  I don't know how that feels.  I do know how it looks.  I have seen that deep and horrible pain and sadness over and over for the last few months.  I don't know the pain my mom experiences from losing her best friend, from not having her soul mate here to share the world with, her rock to lean on.  But I know it's a sorrow so deep and unending that it's hard to bear each day.  A pain that won't ever subside.  A pain that won't allow her to stop moving or to sit and relax for minute, because in that minute, reality comes rushing back and the pain begins anew.   

I saw the same pain in my grandfather's eyes at the hospital while my grandma was in surgery.  The shock, the brokenness, the pain of not knowing if she was okay.  And now tonight, I know as the end draws near for my grandmother, I will soon see that pain again.  The unbearable sorrow of losing someone you've walked with for over sixty years.  And I can't imagine his pain.  I know it's probably what I see in my mother amplified many times over.  My heart aches for him and I can't imagine the depths of sorrow he is feeling in these moments watching his love suffer, yet knowing when her suffering ends, his will begin.

It's so much more difficult to see my loved ones experience their loss.  It's harder for me to watch my grandfather hurt than to know my grandma will soon be gone.  Maybe that's because I know soon her pain will end and she won't suffer anymore.  The pain will be left here, in the hearts of those she leaves behind. 

Tears

Weekend with Linc

Dani had a wedding to attend this weekend, so Lincoln came to hang out with us for a day.  We met to pick him up in Adair at the smiley face tower.  Whenever I would go visit George and Bev when I was little, that's where we would meet, so it seemed like a good place.  Henry loves to be informed about what's going on and when it's going to happen.  I told him we were picking Lincoln up at the smiley face tower at 11.  Henry asked how we were going to get to the top to get him and if there would be a ladder. 

Once everyone was loaded up, we headed back home.   Sam was nice enough to let Lincoln watch Elmo.  I am sure Henry and I were the most excited about that since Sam has been making us watch Lord of the Beans over and over and over and over again lately.

The boys had fun running around and being crazy.

They actually sat at the table and ate lunch.  Although that cat did end up with a face full of ranch dressing.

After lunch, Dave got the boys down for their naps.  They pretty much both fell asleep eating crackers on their own.  That bowl must have magical powers.

 

 

While the boys took a nap, Henry and I met Brook for an afternoon snack over at Regency.  As always, it's great to catch up with one of my favorite friends and, of course, there is never enough time to spend together!  

Once we got home, the boys had some pizza for dinner and were all to bed at a relatively decent time.  YAY!   

Sadly Sam didn't decide to sleep in and let us enjoy that extra hour of sleep we could have gotten with Daylight Saving Time.  He was up at 5 and his pals woke up shortly after.

The boys enjoyed playing and some cartoons.  I ran over to Casey's to grab some doughnuts.  Despite the fact that they were out of chocolate doughnuts the boys requested, everyone seemed pretty content.

The boys played some more until it was time to take Lincoln back home.  My DVD player wasn't cooperating, so the kids just listened to Veggie Tales on the radio.  Their favorite song, Funky Town (or as they call it Monkey Town) was a hit with Lincoln and he danced himself to sleep.

Thanks for letting us enjoy Linc for the weekend!